Sorry…I notice coming back here that the last time I wrote anything in this blog was a year and a half ago, when I was working outside my home. I have since quit that job and am doing it my way again.
I came back here because I have some troubles, and nowhere to go with them, so I wanted to just bring them to this anonymous blog where nobody would ever see it (at least until the day I decide to make friends and/or family members aware of it). I was diagnosed last April with endometriosis and uterine fibroids. I found out because after having excruciatingly painful period after excruciatingly painful period, I knew I’d better get it checked out to find out what was wrong with me. Maybe I waited too long in an effort to be stoic about it (combined with the fact that we just didn’t have the money, and I had no idea where to find an English speaking OB/GYN), but that’s where it is presently.
I was given a birth control pill and a prescription for some stronger pain killers. The last 6 months have been…a little better on the pain front, I guess, but not much. This morning, I have to now go in for a routine blood test and ultrasound, and I’m not at all looking forward to that…I hate these kinds of exams, and the fact that the blood test is required to screen for ovarian cancer doesn’t thrill me, either. In fact, it has me very afraid. I don’t know what will come of it, but you know….Things have finally started looking peaceful and happy in my life. I feel safe for once. I feel secure, and I really appreciate the situation I am currently in. For something like cancer to suddenly turn up would really be telling me that somebody up there hates me, in my opinion. I’m tired of the bullshit “whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” crap. I’ve already gone through the things trying to kill me throughout my life, and have finally only within the last few years or so found some peace for the first time in my life since I became aware that life can turn to shit pretty quickly at random (was it from about 7 years old?).
So yeah….and now it’s 8:33am, so I’d better get out of here and go to the dreaded doctor’s appointment….I really have to pray that everything will be ok. I’m alone in this, as well. My husband loves me, but he’s rarely home, so I only have myself to talk to about the problem. I just hope that the worst is not to come, and that the test comes out normal.
I’ll try to post more later. Bye.